Just Venting!! This last year and half/two years in Michigan has been really hard for me. A lot of my really good friends moved away. There are a lot of really great people here right now, but they just don't seem to want to hang out with me. I don't have a best friend like I use to. That's fine, I get it. I'm old, I have 4 kids and I'm way more tied down. I have a husband that is so anti-social that it drives me freaken crazy. I attribute that to one of the reasons I don't have any really good friends. We don't hang out as couples. I am social, I want to be social, but can't unless it's me by myself with the kids. It's always me by myself with my 4 kids. I'm tired. Tired of being alone, tired of doing it all alone.
The past 12 yrs of my life I've been alone. We've always lived at least 11 hrs away from family. Some of them have never even visited the places we've lived. We rarely go home because you can imagine the price tag on 5 plane tickets.
I just wish I had a different life sometimes. I wish I had a husband who was home more. Yes, I said it, don't judge me! It doesn't only affect me, but our kids as well. As they get older I'm seeing a lot of issues surface. I feel helpless. Satan is banging the symbols in my family's ears constantly and it's not getting easier. I'm having major issues with my oldest and I'm really hoping it's just a stage. I feel like there's no relief. It would be so easy to give up. So easy. Something keeps me going. The gospel and Jesus Christ. Nothing else.
I know I'm going to regret posting this.
Tuesday, October 14, 2008
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17 comments:
Dawn, I'm so sorry. I totally have those same days, and I know exactly what you mean about having your husband gone ALL THE TIME. It is REALLY hard. That is pretty much the only word that describes it. And my oldest is 7, I can't imagine dealing with the hormones of a 11 year old!! Chloe has enough already! Luckily, I live close to my family, and they are able to come by multiple times a week. That really helps, and I feel so bad for you that you are so far away from yours. :( Think positively, and hopefully you will find that great friend in Texas that will be your dearest friend that you can hang out with whenever Keith is busy. Friends are great to have. Especially ones that you click with right away!
You are doing such a great job doing it all by yourself! You are raising wonderful children! I am envious what a good mom you are! Keep praying, it will get better. Keith is only in school another coupld years, right?? Then I bet your lives will be so very different having him home more!
So to make you feel a little better, we just had a bout of head lice yesterday and I had to get rid of it, plus treat all the other 3 kids, haircuts, plus treat the house, etc,etc, all while Tyler was gone to work. On top of that trying to pack and get ready to move in 3 weeks!! Blah! Luckily my friend came over and helped me, otherwise I would have been a complete MESS!!
I'm here for you and am just a phone call away if you ever feel like you need to vent. And you DO need to vent! Don't keep everything all inside..I'm sorry you're bummed today. Hope your day gets better, and I'm here for you if you need me! Love ya! :)
I TOTALLY feel your pain girl. Except, I thought life would be so awesome when we moved home, and yet I miss Michigan even more now because I have no friends here. We don't live in the same neighborhood and all of my family works! I have absolutely no friends in this neighborhood. There are tons of young couples, but their kids are all barely into primary and I HATE sitting home all day long. I feel awful because most days I want to go back to work and then I feel guilty for even thinking that! I used to go to the gym to get out my aggression, but now I watch my nephew, who I love but who is a horrible terrible two right now, and I can't take him to the gym (not allowed because I'm not his guardian). I'm sorry about Ally. It seems like life just gets tougher and tougher the older they get. B & M have been caught taking make up to school (after we've talked several times about what they are NOT allowed to do) but they keep pushing the envelope. That was the whole reason for my last post. I feel like I'm constantly waiting for the other shoe to drop, and they're only 10. Seriously, please call me! I would love to talk to you - I mean seriously talk. I regret that we didn't do more together while we lived there. Our kids are so close to the same age! If I had only known - I'm totally the same way. I really want to be social but I have a hard time reaching out. I only have friends when they find me, and I miss my Michigan friends! Maybe you should reconsider and move to Utah :)
Dawn,
I'm so sorry. After 1 1/2 years of residency I have an idea of how you feel. It is crazy, what it takes to become a doctor. And I know surgery is an entirely different ballgame from primary care.
Don't give up. You are investing in your children right now, and it is hard and lonely. I feel like I've aged more this year than ever. But the hope is that we are creating relationships that will bring fulfillment in the future, right? I sure hope so.
I hope you'll see more of Keith once you move to Texas. Maybe you'll have time for date nights?!
If nothing else, maybe the dose of daily sunshine will brighten your days. I didn't realize it until we lived in MI, but gray skies really affected our moods. But buy your kids some sunglasses... our boys didn't want to play outside here at first because it was "too bright." :)
I'll try to call you today... Derek's been working out of town this whole month and I'm babysitting today, so we'll see if I get a free minute. You know how it is. :)
Sometimes you just have to vent. I understand, but I'm sure it's worse for you than for me. I hate the 12 hour days but I know that my hubby isn't on call etc. It's so hard on kids to not see dad for a day or two at times and it's hard on dad to be away also. My line is always, if it's hard on everyone else, just imagine how it is for me! (Dealing with it all). I hope things get better and soon.
When do you guys moved to Dallas? I'm excited for you. I hear Texas has an amazing school system. When will this all be over?
Keep me posted. I sure miss you and love you. Wish we were closer and I'd totally hang with you . . . you know that right?
welcome to the cavaness family!!! i think because of dad, we are all work-a-holics. i find myself sometimes doing that same thing to ben! we don't have a whole lot of time together either. i can't imagine what it will be like when we have kids. but chin up! all the cavaness boys need is a woman to kick them in the a** and get them goin on that they should be. maybe you should cry a little and show keith this blog. crying always works with ben!! i love you!
look at the bright side...at least he works and is not home all day saying, why don't you work and i will stay home with the kids, while eating bon bons!
Dawn, I love that you are like me. You post things that many might feel way too personal. WHATEVER! We can't help our feelings and the best thing we can do is to get them out in the open. I am starting therapy. For many reasons, 1-I'm terrified our family genes will soon kick in and I will have a breakdown that I may never recover completely from. 2-I need to learn to deal with the fact that my life may be the best it's ever going to be. My hubby is so-so church attendance. He works like crazy and sits on the computer like crazy when he's not working. Those are my woes and they are making me insane. So, I feel your pain. I am going to counseling so that I can change myself. I learned the last time in therapy I can't change Bruce or anyone else. But I can focus on bettering me, which sometimes seems to influence Bruce for good. We love our families but Holy Shmoly!! Thank goodness for haircolor!!!Sounds like you'll be needing it more then ever! (Another crappy family gene we probably will inherit!) Love you...as everyone else has said, You can call me anytime. We don't chat enough. And, we really are alot alike. Take Care!
Dawn, you are such a trooper. If it makes you feel any better, please know that I look up to you so much. I think to myself and wonder how you do it and hope and pray that I will be able to do what you do someday. Honestly life can be so lonely and I think we have all felt that. I know that the Savior is the most constant companion one could wish for, and it seems that you are so aware of that whcih I am sure is why you have lasted so long. Lastly I want you to know that I consider you a very good friend. I love spending time with you and regardless of our little age difference, I hope that we can always be friends. It is so hard to see friends go, and just know that I am totally dreading the day when you leave. Good luck and know that I love you!
Dawn,
I am so sorry that you have felt that way lately. I just want you to know that I am grateful for your friendship. You have always been such a great friend to me. I feel like I have had a lot going on lately and I feel bad that I haven't been a better friend. Just know I think you are great and I consider you one of my close friends. I have had a lot of days that I feel the same way. Cheer up! Love you lots.
Dawn,
I think you are an inspiration to all of us. Like I said before I don't know how you do it. You are always so thoughtful and sincere. I would love to get together and hang out sometime.
Anjela
Chin up, Dawn. I also feel your pain---and think it normal that going on overload for so long is getting to you---no disclaimers needed. Maybe you need a "me" day. You could try swapping w/someone else if needs be. You're always helping everyone else---and need to make sure you're helping yourself as well. Maybe "your oldest" would respond to some alone time w/you or w/her dad---not that my advice is worth more than what i'm sure you've already come up with.
We also feel kind of nostalgic for our MI life and miss our friends (including you and your family)--we miss having friends, period. i think of our time there as fuel for what's to come... I send my love as well---we need to chat soon about TX---though my info is a bit dated.
Dawn-Just to clarify...I don't agree that the Cavaness boys are work-a-holics. They do, indeed, have strong work ethics, and they both work very hard, but you and I both know that Tyler and Keith would be home if they had a choice. Unfortunately, for me to be able to stay home with our kids, the money has to get made somehow. And Keith is in medical school,not really many choices for him in how many hours he has to work. Tyler has told me numerous times that he would rather be home with me and hanging out with the kids if he could. And I know that goes for Keith, too. Hopefully, soon enough Keith will be done with school and you might have more of a normal work schedule, not so many hours. I am so excited for when we move! We are going from Tyler working 18+ hour days and Saturdays, to being home at 5 and weekends off! He and I both can't wait!! Make sure you and Keith get your date night once a week! It makes such a difference. Even if it has to be after the kids go to bed, and you play games, or rent a movie, just spend some time together where you can talk and not have the kids needing his attention. He can focus all on you. I agree with one of the other commenters, if you haven't already done this, I think it's a great idea to have some one on one time with Ally, and also when time allows have Keith take the girls on dates so they get some one on one with him, too. Oh! And Tyler wanted me to let you guys know that he comes out to Dallas he would love to watch the kids for you so you and Keith can go out! So please let him do that for you! :) And like everyone else has already said, I'll say again. You are awesome! You are doing a fabulous job, and just hang on, it will get better soon! Let me know if there's anything you need. Love ya.
I've wanted to post something much like this alot on my blog and I don't because of what you said, I'd regret it as soon as I did. It's funny/sad that most of us here feel the same way but we all stay at home and do nothing about it cause we feel like we're the only ones who feel lonely. I feel like I can't do it most days and I've got another year and a half, I can't imgaine 12 years! That takes a whole different kind of person, it's called a STRONG one!You really are one to look up to, as hard as it is for you. I've enjoyed my time with you and like I said before, we should totally hang out more before you leave. I'm just down the street. Call me, stop by unannouced (I love those visits!)or whatever! We can vent, I seem to do that really good:)
I am so sorry you feel that way. Truth be known I was just complaining to my mom today about how I have no friends and it sucks. I miss hanging out with you. If I could I would move back.. I really miss our shopping trips and hanging out days. I miss more than anything is just having a friend that I could call to hang out or just vent. Don't regret posting this. Sometimes it is just nice to get it off your chest and be able to see the support you get from friends that are far away. I love you so much and hope it gets better for you. Why don't you just move back to Vegas and than we will both have an instant friend. I sure could use one of those these days. Call me if you need someone to talk to.
I just have to agree with what everyone else has been saying on here. You're such a great person and I'm so glad that I've gotten to know you better in this past year! I love hanging out with you (and I'm so glad that Bauer and Rylee play so well together now)! I'm so glad you're here and I just try not to think about next June at all!
Hey Dawn,
Hang in there, you are one of the greatest gals I know! I think a lot of people consider you a better friend than you realize. I would love to get together whenever. We had so much fun when we came to your house and need to do it again!
-Rebecca
We all have those days/weeks/times/etc where we are feeling overwhelmed and that we just don't want to do the routine anymore. I totally understand. But you obviously have great perspective because at the end of this post you said that the gospel of Jesus Christ keeps you going. And nothing else. It's so true. Because there have been many times where I've just felt overwhelmed and my husband is working, or gone for some reason and I just feel like I don't have anyone I can count on. But that is when I just have to get on my knees, cry it out, and tell Heavenly Father that I'm in need of some emotional/physical/spiritual assistance.
I'm sure you know you're an amazing mom, but it always helps to hear it again. YOU ARE AN AMAZING MOM! Seriously! I know we haven't really hung out since high school, but I can tell by your blog that you are a good mom.
As far as dealing with children and phases, I don't know what to say about that. Except that sometimes when our kids are fighting a lot and being snotty to us parents, we try to give them some one on one time with either of us parents (even if it's a trip to the grocery store). Because we've noticed our children are angels when they are with us. I think because they don't have to fight for our attention and deal with siblings who are bugging/teasing/hitting/etc. But when the husband has a busy schedule, it can be hard to find that time.
Anyway, just keep trusting in the Lord. That's the best thing to do!
I love you! All the way from NC!
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